Turn Away - Story

I could feel it. All of it. The cold breeze scraping across my skin, the soft pressure of my shirt collar around my throat, my blood pushing past with every beat of my heart, the subtle shift in the air as someone moves by us, and the even less obvious brush of heat of their breath and body.. But mostly, I felt my lungs empty. Completely. The unconscious part of my brain fights to keep me alive, trying to force me to take that next gulp of air. My conscious mind isn't listening. There's a tickle that is my eyes filling with tears, a single, hot drop sliding down my cheek. In the next gust of wind it cools, sliding cold and wet between my open lips. I want to blink. I want to wipe them away. All I can do is stare.
The hard set to her jaw, her shoulders straight, but in her eyes.. her eyes begin to glisten. I swallow hard even as she turns away. I think I see it fall. I think I hear her sob. But tap, tap, tap go her shoes on the pavement. Her heels like hammer and nail. I watch as she walks. The sway of her hips, the toss of her hair, the fire of all that she is burning around her. In that moment I remember every reason that I love her. My chest constricts. My heart shudders. The only sound I can make is a soft click as my airway tries desperately to open. I start to go numb.
I realize I should move, after her, to my knees, run away, something.. I can't. Not until she is out of view. Then my stomach unclenches, letting the air in. I turn walking unsteadily in a direction that is not hers. With every step the shock begins to ebb, giving way to fury. But it's not at her. It's at everything but her. I want to claw at my own flesh. Tear out every bit of me that wasn't good enough to make her happy. I glare spitefully at every couple I see holding hands. I want to spit. Clear out the taste in my mouth, the salt and blood. It gags me. I can't breathe. I start to run, though I don't know where to go, where I'm going.
Somehow I make it home. I don't remember driving, though I know my car is in the driveway. I'm stripping off my clothes in the dark. They are making me itch. I lay down on top of the covers, cold but not caring. I grip my shoulders my eyes open but unseeing. I swallow again and again, the lump refusing to go down. Eventually exhaustion shuts my body down and I sleep. There are no dreams. Just a feeling that I'll never be home again.